All Too Fast

Time is running so fast lately. The holidays were a complete blur. Since my birthday in November, I feel like the days have been going by at what seems like 3 and a time. I’m not working anymore than I did the year before, and there’s much more on my plate this year with a baby on the way, but man I swear I blinked and Christmas had passed, the New Year came and went, and now we are just a couple weeks away from having our baby join us on this wild ride.

I’m 100% overwhelmed. I know it’s normal but it’s hard. My husband is overwhelmed. Sometimes all we can physically and mentally do is not leave the house, sit in bed, and watch an episode or two in silence. Everything is so new and exciting but overwhelming and even scary that sometimes all we can do is just sit quietly and use that moment to not think about all the change and everything that needs to get done.

Honestly, those are some of my favorite moments – when we are just sitting quietly watching some dumb TV show. I’m thankful for those moments, as in just a few weeks things will definitely be different and we’ll have to adjust to our new norm.

I’m having a ton of trouble sleeping. Not only because I’m uncomfortable, in pain, always peeing, but I’m constantly stuck in my head. Not gonna lie, I’ve been finding that being on social media like Instagram is making my anxiety 100% worse – do I have everything I need? Do I need that? This person is recommending that product, is it better than this product that other person is recommending?” And of course seeing all the cute, “candid” (sarcasm) pictures of a put together family. I’m constantly left feeling inadequate and I’ll kill the app only to come back to it minutes later.

I have everything I need, and then some. We’ve been so fortunate to have been gifted some really wonderful items, as well as us both still working full time to buy anything else we may need/want. Everything is going to be okay, but good grief it is hard to feel that some days. Maybe it’s the fact that I have extreme fear of the unknown and I don’t like walking into something that I have no idea what I’m doing – but what the reality is is that I DO know what I’m doing, at least the basics, and I’m supposed to figure it out along the way. I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s okay to be anxious and scared but to keep in mind that I can do this.

Pregnancy is hard. It’s physically, mentally and emotionally hard. I’ve been blessed to have a healthy pregnancy with only dealing with some of the worst heartburn I could ever imagine, but nonetheless, I’ve been blessed. So I don’t want to complain. But sometimes I feel that the world is revolving around me so fast and I’m just stuck trying to figure out which way is up. I’ve been so lucky to have my husband by my side through it all – he’s really been my rock and my biggest supporter through all the ups and downs. Yeah I know it’s what he signed up for when we got married, but you can tell her genuinely wants to be my supporter. And for that I’m forever grateful.

This is just me rambling. I had a breakdown last night while I was sitting in the almost finished nursery and just sobbed my eyes out. I felt like I couldn’t even move (not only because my back feels like I lifted 1000lbs). I know it was mainly because I hadn’t slept in almost 24 hours, but the lack of sleep combined with being hungry, overwhelmed, excited but also scared out of my mind just hit me all at once.

Today’s a new day, and I can’t even wrap my head around the fact that we’ll be welcoming a baby into this crazy world so incredibly soon. I’m anxious, but oh so excited. We can’t wait to meet you, baby girl.