Two Lines That Changed Everything

I’m pregnant. I have been for almost 7 months now. I have to keep reminding myself it’s real because I still can’t seem to wrap my head around it.

I still feel weird saying it. Maybe because I have always wanted to be a mother and I would think about the day I get to finally say those words – and now that it’s here I’m like????? Say what???

You could say it happened fast. Hubby and I got married November 2018 and I found out I was pregnant in May of 2019. Unexpected? Not totally, but truth be told I didn’t think it would happen right away. I had been having some health issues for a little over a year, and my doctor and I agreed that it would be best to take a break from the oral contraceptive I was on to give my body a sort of “reset” – this was back in January.

Looking back, the reset was exactly what I needed. Not only was I having physical problems associated with the medication I was on, but emotionally it was really affecting me. Which was, as a result, affecting my husband and our newly wedded bliss. It sucked, and it makes me sad thinking about how low I was during this time. Something had to change. As soon as I stopped the pill, I swear it was like the heavens opening up and I finally felt like myself again. In my heart I knew it was the right choice but also the right time to stop the pill – and we were completely on board with the idea that the chance of pregnancy was pretty real at this point.

For about a month, I tried the whole “take your temperature as soon as you wake up” and document it (along with other symptoms). I failed miserably. Working nights totally screwed me over for that method, as you have to have uninterrupted sleep for a certain amount of time etc. blah blah. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough or what but it was difficult. When I gave up, I just tried to track my cycle and ovulation as best I could to give me *some* kind of timeline. I ended up really liking tracking my cycle – I think it’s incredibly important to be in tune with your health and your body, and when you’re able to see when things change you can sort of piece together what’s going on – or it gives you information to talk to your doctor about. I had been tracking here and there for about a year before so it wasn’t hard to get back into the swing of it.

I didn’t have any weird inklings that I was pregnant when I decided to test. It was actually just something that was put into my mind at work! Working as a nurse in a hospital, we get exposed to a whole lot of nasty sometimes and it’s totally normal. You just protect yourself and roll with it because those patients need a little TLC – or else they wouldn’t be there to begin with, right?

On this particular night, I had a patient who needed a little more specialized care and I tried to get in touch with her doctor about it. As I waited for a call back, I noticed an infectious disease doctor around the corner – just the person who could help! I got my questions answered, and as I was turning away, he added “…just as long as you don’t think you’re pregnant!” I stopped and switched my brain over from patient mode to taking care of myself. No, no way was I pregnant. It’s not like I feel funny or have any weird deep rooted gut feeling – but I couldn’t shake what he said. I brought a friend to the side and explained what the doctor said and asked her if she thought I needed to be worried. I had just realized that I was only 1 day late, but per my tracking, it wasn’t completely unusual. Nonetheless, she urged me to go and ask the doctor just what he meant. So that’s exactly what I did, and I explained my situation. He stated it would be best to switch the patient with the other nurse if possible, just until I know for sure.

I finished my shift and got home, and I briefly said something to hubby about the whole thing – he agreed it was weird but glad there was a doctor nearby I was able to talk to. After that, we both fell asleep immediately.

We woke up around the same time in the early afternoon, and I figured oh what the heck, I have to pee anyways might as well take a test. I remember hubby laughing saying “are you really taking a test?” because neither of us really thought I was pregnant – I just didn’t want to have to be in the unknown. Sure enough, within 30 seconds of peeing on that damn thing, I got two bold lines and I couldn’t stop staring at it.

The next few moments were surreal. I ran back into our room where Justin was still in bed, still trying to fully wake up. I jumped into bed next to him, showed him the test with wide eyes and a big grin on my face – he had to blink a few times to really focus on what he was looking at, and without a beat he looked up at me with a big grin on his face too.

Since then, we’ve had some time to process what the heck is happening. And what’s going to happen. Our lives have already changed, and they will be changed forever. We are so excited to be parents. Nope, we have no idea what we’re doing, but little by little we figure it out each day. I have to remind myself, our parents felt like that too, right? When they were having their first? And our grandparents? Everything is so new and different and beautiful and weird that you can’t really process it all at once. Each day it gets equally easier and harder all at once. And I’m perfectly content with that.

So baby girl, (yep, we’re having a girl!!!) we are so excited to meet you in January. Probably February but hey, whenever you’re ready, we will be too. As I sit here and type this, you are kicking and moving like crazy – it’s one of those beautiful and weird things that happens. I can’t seem to get this big grin off my face. I think it’ll last a lifetime.